FOOD VIGILANTE

My head’s gonna burst. I drove past my kid’s school this morning and the sign read

“McDonald’s Day – Wednesday, March 3.”

 UUUGGGHH!

I work so hard defining to my kids the evils that exist wrapped in deli paper at the golden arches. I toil and teach in my own kitchen the virtues of fresh, natural and organic food along with the experience of preparing a meal together. Then, as soon as I turn my head for an instant, the evil clown rushes right into my children’s school and pumps them full of catchy jingles, plastic junk and wretchedly unhealthy “food”. Yes, McCrap has been forced to encourage kids to be active and exercise, but what is the true motive here? Two points to consider.

1) Have you ever been to a fruit and vegetable stand, farmers market or even a produce department where the proprietors found it necessary to sponsor an exercise program?

2) Does anyone over the age of thirty recall having to be told to run around and play, aka exercise?

SNACKS FROM NATURE, MORE PREVALANT IN 1970's

I say my head is going to explode because I don’t know who to blame. I want to blame the entire corporate food industry, including the fast food joints. I want to blame the parents. I want to blame the schools. A lot of you reading this are to blame too. We’ll start with you.

SOME COMMON SNACKS OF TODAY

THIS IS NOT FAMILY DINNER!!!

The changes I talk about all of the time are not hard. You’re brainwashed. I have some very successful, intelligent friends and family who not only refuse to consider the dangers in food, but actually mock me at times for my exuberance for the issue. This makes me feel like a conspiracy theorist. If I was writing and preaching about the importance of oil changes every 3,000 miles or proper air pressure in car tires, or how seatbelts and child restraints save lives, nobody would blink an eye. There would only be nodding heads and understanding agreement. What’s wrong with all of you?? This is your body we’re talking about. If you care more for your ’05 Chevy than your body then, as I always say, please read Darwin.

LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING!

The blame with food industry, in particular the fast food industry, is easy to see, but seemingly impossible to put a stop to. They have only one goal; profit. They have figured out a pretty simple formula. First, produce a product that is cheap. Unfortunately, people think more with their wallets than their heads. Second, devise a way to make the product irresistible. Maybe load it with sugar, fat and preservatives and wrap it in a snappy, feel good package. Bingo! Last directive: longevity. Not of the customer, but of the company. Remember, the dollar rules. This is where my son’s school comes in to play. McDonald’s approaches a school, asks that they send all of their students and their families to eat at the local eatery and McDonald’s promises to donate a percentage of all sales from that evening back to the school. Brilliant! Hook ‘em young,  especially because the long time customers are dying off so fast. Didn’t a certain smoking camel pay a price for this same ploy?

SCARY, BUT TOO FUNNY.

So, on to the schools. Can you blame them for accepting money? I certainly want my child’s school to have as much, if not more money than it needs! But a deal with the food devil is so hard for me to swallow.  On one hand I want my school district to go after every dollar it can get. But if they are going to look at sources that have consequences like fast food, then some education is in order. Isn’t that what they do anyway? I propose a program that teaches or children to make good choices when presented with a sea of bad options. Despite my ramblings I think that there is a possibility, however slim, to eat at almost any restaurant and come away with a clear conscience and healthy body. Wouldn’t it be great if on “McDonalds Wednesday” that after all the families invaded the restaurant,  the place would have to toss all of the extra chicken nuggets, burgers and fries they made in anticipation of the event,  because the school (and parents) had taught our children to  choose only the most healthy items in the McCrappery?! The school gets their money, our children add years to their lives and I wallow in a warm fuzzy feeling of accomplishment.

Listen up Hempfield Area School District. I’ll develop the program. I’ll present it to the school board. I’ll visit schools. C’mon, this could be great! You do care about our children, right?

Show us.

Also, help stop my head from exploding,

FV