Archive for the ‘Blarguments’ Category

The Strides of March

Posted 05 Mar 2010 — by FV
Category As I see it., Blarguments

My youngest child just turned 5 years old. I am officially the father of three post toddler age boys. Let the fun begin! Thankfully, I’m already bald. 

A party was in order. Now if you have read this blog at all, you know I feel that food should be natural and wholesome, and families should gather in a home for birthdays and holidays. Sure, families can cause stress and make a birthday gathering feel like having root canals done on all of your teeth at once, but at least the food can be wholesome, right? 

In the recent past my brother and sister have thrown B-day parties for their respective children. Both parties at their homes and both great successes. Their spouses and they welcomed the mayhem that is family into their homes and prepared great food and a very nice time. Albeit some slips with high fructose corn syrup and other food infractions in my mind, but hey, baby steps. Just a few years ago, I had my recent five-year-old’s 2 year party at a local restaurant and you may all remember the recent “Bella Luna Debacle” (Love you bro, all in good fun). We all grow, learn and evolve. 

So, in my bed that I have made, I had to sleep with the realization that I have put myself and my party practices under intense scrutiny. The day arrived, I was up early, nervous with anticipation. The menu consisted of vegetable lasagna, a salad and a homemade cake. I had my work cut out for me, but I was up for the challenge. 

Crap. As I’m writing this, I have realized that I failed to take a picture of the lasagna. I could have sworn I snapped a shot of the glorious dish. Something’s fishy here. Maybe the work of the  Agent F and the dreaded Food Patrol. Curses. 

The lasagna was made with 100% durum pasta, fresh broccoli, carrots, onions, and bell peppers. I used homemade tomato sauce and part skim mozzarella, provolone, romano and ricotta cheese.  

I’ll give you an idea of what it was like to look at my creation… 

 

 or maybe like this… 

 

 You get the idea. The salad was basic, fresh greens, tomato, cukes, carrots, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. I also put out some snacks for everyone to munch while we were settling in and rehashing why it is we can’t stand each other. Fresh pineapple, mixed nuts, and hummus with baked, whole wheat organic chips. What the hell is hummus?  

 

Yes, I noticed the bowl of hershey kisses too! More evidence that Agent F may have been around plotting party sabotage! 

The cake was a throwback to the classic 70′s homemade sheet cake that mom used to make when we were kids. Unbleached, un-bromated flour. Organic, free range eggs and milk. Real butter in cake and icing. My only regret was the use of regular white sugar and powdered sugar in the cake and icing respectively. Baby steps.  

Pièce de résistance… 

  

 
 
 

A plugger cake!

Top of cake glistening with spittle!

  

OK, more sugar in the chocolate chips. Darn.

 At least there was no soda pop in sight! We managed an entire family gathering without HFCS or Hydrogenated Oils! There were some confused grumbles over the lack of soda pop, but everyone forced down some good wholesome juice or water. 

 

 Children played, adults diagreed, gifts were opened, good food consumed. As the great Selma Diamond said on Night Court… Bailiff Selma.

Enjoy your parties at home, control what goes in your and your families mouths. Only drawback is that you may end up shelling out money for birthday parties for many many years to come!

 

E-vite me to you next party, 

FV 

  

  

  

Bella Redenzione

Posted 15 Dec 2009 — by FV
Category As I see it., Blarguments

You may remember my brother’s daughter’s birthday party which I wrote about last year. He and his wife held the event at a local Italian restaurant called Bella Luna in Monroeville.  I’ll wait while you read and catch up.

OK, welcome back. I must say that I am surprised at the reaction my dear brother and his wife had to my less than approving opinion of the family gathering held outside the house. At first I thought they were paying no attention to my pleas.

Then I got the call.

It was a warm summer evening. I had just put the children to bed. I kicked up my feet and tuned in to the last half hour of DWTS. (Don’t act like you don’t know what that is) My phone rang. I was admittedly annoyed when I answered. It was my brother. He usually doesn’t call in the evenings, unless there is something wrong. His voice was slightly hushed and he seemed a bit sheepish.

He said “hey man, how you doin?”.

Aw CRAP, he wants me to help him move, I knew it! I scrambled for what to say next. I replied “shoot, man, I’m busy on tuesday.”.

He then said “ah, ok, but can you help me move in a few weeks, on a sunday?”.

Indignantly I shot back “Ha! I knew it! You only call me when you need help moving!”.

He defended himself “dude, I call you all the time.”.

“YES”, I quickly answered, “but, you’re only calling me right NOW to ask for help moving! I knew it!”.

He made some comments about me losing my mind and such and we agreed on a time and date to move his stuff.

 Then it dawned on me.

My brother and his wife were so ashamed about the Bella Luna birthday event and the subsequent fallout and so eager to please me that they went and bought a bigger more beautiful home that everyone could fit in comfortably for family gatherings. What a couple of gems those two are! Their son was turning one and they had been pining for my approval, so they upgraded. How sweet.

So, after the move I eagerly awaited the invite to the December birthday extravaganza. When Igot the call, I coyly asked at what restaurant were we to meet for the party. As I suspected, we were NOT meeting at a restaurant, but at my brother and sister-in-law’s new home. Joy! See what influence the Food Vigilante has?!

 
GEDC0120

Thanks for the new house Mom and Dad!

 

Cake at the ready for a one year old's face. :)

Cake at the ready for a one year old's face. :)

 
Salad and salad fixins.

Salad and salad fixins.

Steaming pot of homemade beef stew. Yep, homemade.

Steaming pot of homemade beef stew. Yep, homemade.

 

The food was simple yet elegant. Considering my recent Evolution of FV project there could have been some minor tweaks for overall health reasons, but until I prove to the world that the food industry is more concerned with profit than our health, I’ll button it up. The point is that the party was thrown in a family’s home, good food, shoes off and comfortable, just as it should be. Kudos, bro and bro’s wife.

Love you guys,

FV

Agent F., tag, your it!

Posted 03 Apr 2009 — by FV
Category Blarguments

To catch up on this on going battle, go to these posts.

My life has been filled with distractions recently, no small one being the incredible hold that winter has on us! Spring needs to man up and wrestle this chilly, sometimes frigid, weather to the ground. During this waiting for warm weather, amongst other things, I have not kept my eyes open for signs of the Food Patrol Agency and specifically Agent F. It took an innocent yet bone chilling comment from a young reader to put me back on alert for this despicable agency and their scandalous ways. The comment holds all the brisk uncomfortableness of the relentless winter we’ve yet to escape. The comment is especially shaking for me because the young reader writing it is my son…

“I have escaped the food patrol many many many many many times. Really. And I despise them as much as FV does. For I am his son. :)

To think that my own is burdened by the perils propagated by the dreaded FPA! I’m choking back tears. I recently held a birthday party for this particular son and everything went off without a hitch. Although, I’m beginning to suspect that there may be an FPA mole right in my own family! A double agent of sorts.

My unassuming, jolly brother-in-law? Maybe. My sweet ol’ Grandmother hiding behind a little old lady ruse? Possibly. My youngest son, a dastardly intellect acting like an innocent child on the surface? Oh, the humanity! I am drowning in suspicion. Damn you FPA! Why do you insist on causing such angst?! Tearing a family apart? Show your face Agent F, be bolder than our quivering spring and come out from behind your winter of discontent!

I challenge you,

FV